| | This post is very difficult to write, but it is necessary for me. I love the Christmas season and this year is no different, but there is a bitter sweetness to it this year...
I don't write very much about my Grandmother. I guess partly because I don't really like to talk about what is happening with her and I just don't want to "go there" in my thoughts. My Granny has Alzheimers. Can I just say how much I HATE this disease? My Granny is my last living grandparent. She lost her husband (my Granddad) back in 1970 to kidney disease. He was, I believe, 46 years old. I may be a couple of years off. I know he was very young. My mom had just had my brother. My Granny still had my uncles at home who were 5 years old and 12 years old at the time. Needless to say, it was a very traumatic time. I never knew my Granddad. I've been told I look a lot like him. He was a pastor and a mailman. I'm sure my Granny loved him dearly. She talks about him quite a bit these days. My Granny never remarried. She is FIERCLY independent. That can be good in some respects, but definitely not all. God never intended us to live secluded from one another and unwilling to have anyone help us out. Unfortunately (or fortunately... however way you want to look at it), her independence is a thing of the past and she is having to rely more and more on all of us. She doesn't like it.
This year, my Granny has made a steady decline. It has happened so fast. And tonight, as I have most of my life, we will celebrate not only Christmas Eve together as a family, but my Granny's birthday. I'm having to come to the realization that this could, quite honestly, be her last. I hate thinking of it. I haven't allowed myself to think about it... But there it is. The "knowing" that life is short. Death is just part of life. Our lives are changing yet again. The pages of this book that is called life, just keep turning.
The beautiful thing that has happened during this time is that we have all become much more affectionate with Granny. We are quicker to hug her. Granny wasn't real big on hugs that much.... until here lately. She is SO tiny. She's 4'10" or something around that and weighs a whopping 85 pounds. She's tiny. And honestly, I feel like I'm going to crush her every time I hug her. But I can't stop hugging on her. I do NOT ever miss a chance to hug her and tell her I love her. Like I said, life is too short.
Granny has lived a great long life. I'm a blessed woman and I come from a blessed family. Tonight is a special night. I pray this isn't the last "normal" Christmas Eve. But if it is, I will treasure these 37 years of memories I have. And if I am blessed with a long life like Granny, I will continue to make more memories with my children and eventually with my children's children and quite possibly with my children's children's children. Life is beautiful. I don't want it to just pass me by. Merry Christmas, everyone! Be Jesus to those around you this Christmas season!
Live Life Loud!
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| | Posted 12/24/2008 9:45 AM - 12 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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